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  • Writer's pictureAngie

Why am I doing this again?

Updated: Jun 2, 2020

This morning I considered feigning sick so that I could hide in my bed all day. Maybe watch a movie by myself on my device. If I was "sick" enough, would the kids not fight? Would duties and deadlines not haunt my thoughts? Could I really just burrow myself under my warm blankets all day? Probably not.

So, after too much Candy Crush (I used up my unlimited lives y'all), I've embraced the idea that all the things that are gifts from God feel more like curses today. Am I being punished for something? Do I have to write daily as penance for some error in my life? I'm not talking about the stuff I have to do that's drudgery, like marketing and building a platform, but even the storytelling and journaling are not enjoyable.

If I'm called to do something, shouldn't it be easy and bring me pleasure? What do you mean, no? Yep. That's the answer I got as I pleaded with God about ending this writing journey.

God didn't call me to write just for my enjoyment. He is using it to shape the world. Mine. And hopefully, yours. And maybe even a handful of others.

He's shaping my heart to be more obedient even when I don't feel like being a writer. He's instilling more persistence, determination and diligence. He's teaching me to rely more on Him than my feelings and emotions, which is a huge undertaking, because I understand my world through my feelings far more than my thoughts. I'm learning that the level of difficulty in a task is irrelevant if God has called me do it. I have to even embrace that He's not asking me to succeed, but to just do what He asked.

Today, is your calling difficult? I would love to hear about it, especially if there's some trick to make easier.

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Mar 14, 2019

Today I woke up on the couch after getting barely any sleep last night due to my own stupidity. I stayed up watching TV and then duh...duh...duh...I asked David if I could play a game of Sudoku on his phone. The problem: I was upset from something that happened earlier so instead of playing one game, I played all night. Something I used to do b/c of my addiction to the game when it was on my phone. Same with facebook, twitter, or any other games. Before I knew it, hours had gone by. I got a few hours of sleep with my cat on my lap, but I got up grumbling, wondering if God's call on my li…

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